“High Maintenance”? No, I Call It Knowing What I Want & Who I Am

While I’m on the treadmill, I like to catch up on my magazines. I’m not worried about my outside surroundings on the trail so I take advantage of my multitasking ways. One magazine I happen to love is Glamour. I saw a tittle of an article that made me chuckle. Said headline? Why It’s A Good Thing To Be High Maintenance. Surely, I can’t be the only female in her late twenties who’s been told this, right?

As I read the article for reassurance for my high maintenance behaviors that show their head from time to time, I was a bit disappointed. This wasn’t an article for people with high maintenance tendencies. ( Come on, we all have them.) It was an article for women voicing what they want in a relationship and in a partner, and not being afraid to be themselves. I didn’t know being yourself and letting a potential partner know what you want and what you’re okay with was being high maintenance.

Maybe this article was actually to let women know that these behaviors aren’t high maintenance and it’s actually called being proactive and positive. I digress and will fully give the benefit of a doubt. But I wanted to just make it clear for all my ladies out there, single and coupled. Knowing what you want, going after it, and being yourself, is not, I repeat not, being high maintenance. 

The best dating advice I ever received was from M last year. I had just come from a long term relationship that I probably had no business being in given history ( Rambo anybody?) and was fresh on the market! I had lost weight, my teeth were looking good and I was finally practicing being confident. I was a good person and my life was on track. While I didn’t imagine finding someone right away to share these things with ( thanks Hey Jude for swooping in on my dating streak), I was open to dating and finding someone I could at least date and have a good time with.

While in the middle of the Las Vegas dating circuit, M told me wise advice. She said, “Don’t pretend to be anything you’re not and always be yourself. You’re a princess. If you don’t want to do the same things he doesn’t want to do, don’t pretend you want to. Be yourself and do what you like. The right prince will come along.”

Now, M didn’t mean princess in a wrong way. She meant that I deserve a guy who’s going to acknowledge me, treat me the way I’d like to be treated, and do the things I like to do. I understood that. Life is too short to be in a relationship that isn’t right for you. Now, your partner can’t be your one stop shop as RuPaul says, because that’s not fair. Everyone has their faults, quirks and habits, myself included. But, you want someone who wants to do nice things for you because they WANT to. You should be with someone who makes you WANT to do nice things for them. You, yes you, deserve to have the best. Because honestly? If you don’t think you’re the best and deserve more, no one else is going to. Sorry. You need to advocate for yourself in all areas of your life, be it from relationships to your career and your finances. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting what you want, be it being single, coupled, married, children, no children, etc. No one knows what’s best for you BUT YOU.

Things I didn’t pretend to be or like?

Outdoorsy. I have had two experiences with the outdoors and one involved keeping myself drunk in a tent for 24 hours to make the time go by quicker. I was even with my besties and other friends! I mean it was fun, but it wasn’t something I’d like to relive. Hiking is okay in moderation.

Laid Back. I am not laid back. Why would I pretend to be to hook a guy and then I turn single white female on him a month in? I’m neurotic and all over the place. I’m on hyper speed more often than not. A guy should probably know that sooner than later, am I right?

Introverted. My idea of a swinging good time changes depending on what has happened during the week or what goals I’m currently working on. For instance, if I’m trying to save up for a trip, I may take it easy with a book and a movie. Or, if I want to have some Athena F-U-N, I’m going to hit up a bar, restaurant, dance club, etc. I like going out and doing things. I especially like free things ( like free admission to a museum) or cheap things ( matinee anyone?). But, the things I like include going out of the apartment and into the public. I was extremely anti-social growing up and now I’m an extreme extrovert making up for lost time.

Obviously, I like things that people don’t like and vice versa. But I can’t pretend to be someone I’m not. Am I open to new things? Heck yes. But I’m not gonna lie and say I love them. Sorry boys.

My dating streak was cut short last year due to my prince arriving on a chariot. I took my psychiatrist’s advice and allowed myself to date someone who I had a good friendship with. Our dating turned into a relationship and now here I am, in Phoenix, AZ, writing you from our apartment in my work out clothes. Funny how things work out, huh? If you had told me this is where I’d be a year ago, I would have laughed in your face. But because I let myself be myself, didn’t pretend to like things I didn’t like and sought qualities I liked in a partner, my partner showed up when I least expected him to.

Be yourself ladies. Not for me, but for you. You’ll thank me in the morning.



  1. I agree I am proud to be proactive and positive!

    Great post!!!

  2. I love reading Glamour too. I get it every month in my mailbox. I also really love SELF magazine. I am not sure why being high maintenance is a bad thing, as long as you aren’t being a demanding biatch I don’t see the harm in it.

    I don’t think that I am high maintenance, but when I want something I want it that second and if that makes me high maintenance then so be it.

  3. I love, love, love this post and really needed to read it! Thanks Athena.

  4. Love this! It took me a while to realize this. It’s also okay to take time to figure out who you are and who you are not. So happy you are happy and in AZ. We really need to get together soon.

  5. From the male perspective, I think this is very sound advice. Nothing is more frustrating than being told what someone thinks you want to hear. Just be yourself… high maintenance and all.


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